I never got to say
by nightpeltstar456
Summary: After witnessing the death of Maeve, how does he handle it? What happens after the end of the episode Zugzwang? Please read this. i'm the WORST at summaries! takes place season 8 after episode 12-Zugzwang-and before episode 13-Magnum Opus. I hope you like it!


**This is what I think happened after the end of the Criminal Minds episode, Zugzwang. please watch the episode, or at least the end of it, before you read this. Here is a link to the end of the episode, since i couldn't find the full one online for free: watch?v=RHLZsxG2rLI Please copy-paste it into your browser bar thingy, then read this story. God, that little clip has made me cry hysterically. I actually cried for half an hour (not exagerating) after watching this episode. Okay, here goes nothing. WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE EPISODE ZUGZWANG. ALSO, IF YOU CRY, THAT IS NOT MY FAULT. YOU CHOSE TO READ THIS. **

**P.S. the entire thing is in Spencer Reid's (a.k.a. the guy who was crying in the clip, if you aren't familiar with the characters) point of view. enjoy.**

Tears streamed down my face. The only woman who I ever truly loved just died in front of my eyes, and there wasn't anything I could have ever done to have stopped it. Why? Why did it have to be this way? Why did the first time he ever saw her beautiful face, her silky hair, and her beautiful brown eyes have to be the last? Why, why, why? Every phone conversation hey ever had streamed through his mind. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw J.J. looking at him with sympathetic eyes, that were filled with tears. I stood up, pulled her into a hug, and sobbed. The entire team was looking at him, I could tell, but I didn't care. A thousand thoughts rushed through my mind at once, and then something occurred to me. Something so small, but so important. Something that needed to be aid, but never was. My eyes opened wide, and I pulled away from the comfort of J.J.'s arms. The team looked on at me, their concern obvious.

"Oh god.." I murmured

"Reid, what is it?" Hotch said, extremely worried.

I turned to face them, new tears forming in my eyes, "I.. I never got to tell her _I love you_... I wanted to tell her when we met in person, but..." I couldn't continue the sentence. I turned to look at Maeve. I bend down next to her, and look at her face. She seems so peaceful. I cup one of her hands in both of mine. A single tear fall down my cheek, and lands on hers. "I love you Maeve. I wish I got to tell you that earlier. I want you to know that I have always loved you, and I always will. I promise, I will _never_ forget you." **(yeah, i know he has eidetic memory, but it just totally works for that moment, so whatever) **Then I kissed her on the forehead, like you would a child when you tuck them into bed, a kiss goodnight. Morgan comes up behind me, and offers me a hand. I grab it, and stand up. We all turn to leave, and I just take one last look at the scene behind me. The pool of blood is large, and I see Diane laying next to Maeve. A rush of anger floods through me. She doesn't deserve death. Death is too good for her. She should have rotted in jail for the rest of her life for what she did. I go to run my hand through my hair when a flare of pain shoots up my left arm. I remember that when Diane and I were fighting for the gun, she shot me in the arm.

I then drag myself outside, where a couple of people sit me down in the back of an ambulence. They look at my arm,

and they tell me that the bullet didn't go in that far, and it fell out of my arm. They clean the wound, and wrap it in clean white bandages. They tell proceed to tell me how to take care of the wound, and even though I already know how, I let them talk. I zone out, replaying Maeve's death in my mind, almost against my will. It is then when I wish I didn't have eidetic memory, so I could just stop seeing her die in my mind.

The next hour is a blur. People asking questions, the press trying to find out the story. Several reporters stopped me, and tried to get me to tell them about his relationship with Maeve. I simply said nothing, and just shrugged them off. Morgan drove me home in one of the SUV's. He said to take care, and he would call as soon as he could. He drove off, and I trudged up the stairs to my apartment. I opened the door, and changed into a a loose sweater and sweats. I sat down on the couch, and just stared at nothing, and thought about everything. Every case he was apart of, every victim they saved, every unsub they caught, his team, Gideon, his mother, his father, his childhood, and most of all, Maeve. I look at the coffee table in front of me, and see the book she gave me. I lightly hold it in my hands, and open it to the very first page, where Maeve wrote the Thomas Merton quote. _Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another. -Thomas Merton. _I closed the book, and brought to my chest. I hugged it tightly, and curled up on the couch. I closed my eyes, dreaming about the life Maeve and I could-no, _should_-have had.

**THE END**

**Alright, that's it. I hope you liked it. I hope it touched your heart, like that episode did mine. This is just how I think it would have gone, not how it really went, although, no one really knows how Reid had acted at the scene after the end of Zugzwang. Well, the writers probably do, but no fans really know what happened. Anyways, I hope I didn't just ruin your happy day. If i did, i apologize. I hope the rest of your day is happy...**


End file.
